9.1.2002
Well it's official. I'm "emo."
9:12:50 PM | Lisa Bloomingdale
This Just In
Missing: my driver's license and debit card
My diligent search was to no avail; so if anybody happens to come across them, please let me know ASAP. Oh yeah...there's a reward :) Thanks a bunch!
10:56:30 PM | Lisa Bloomingdale
9.2.2002
It happened again!* I've got to get off this side-sleeping kick. This time instead of my left arm, it was my entire right leg, from cheek to toes! Ack! Imagine how I looked when I tried to stand up and walk. *Boom* as she hits the floor. Grr, maybe I have a defective circulatory system.
*See entry 8.31.2002, second paragraph.
5:27:21 PM | Lisa Bloomingdale
9.3.2002
So bad. Sooo baaad. I got my new driver's license today, and the picture is just awful. I look like I'm about to cry and smiling at the same time. I can't believe I have to keep this until 2006! Blah. And get this... My dad made me drive around without my license on purpose (chaffeuring my brother, picking up dinner, etc.) So much for obeying the law.
It was hotter than hell out, so of course I look all sweaty and awful. When I arrived at the DMV, all I had for a valid ID was my old learner's permit. I was told that in order to receive my operator's license, I first had to get a duplicate of my POP. So I paid both fees, filled out both forms, and got my picture taken both times. When I come home, my dad is angry that I had to buy a new POP just to get my operator's license. "Why the hell did you have to buy it if they're just going to turn around and throw it away when they issue you the other license?" He yells, chews me out, calls me a dumbass. This is what I get for doing as my government tells me. Then he takes a look at my horrible picture and makes fun of me. As if I need this. "You'll never get through life without a sense of humor," he said when he'd finished laughing at me. I have a bigger sense of humor than you'll ever know. Jerk. If I were the parent, instead of yelling at my kid for something they had no control over, I'd commend them for taking care of it themselves like an adult. "You even paid for it with your own money?" "Sure, Dad. I try not to suck you dry."
4:14:36 PM | Lisa Bloomingdale
I'll never be a psychiatrist. I can't keep one goddamn secret. Do you ever do something really stupid, even though you don't quite realize it's stupid at the time; and the consequences are something you just don't want to deal with? Remind me to quit fucking up if I ever want to salvage my friendship with Bryan. *punches a wall* Remember what I said? Disappointment is what makes me truly hate myself.
7:47:15 PM | Lisa Bloomingdale
Better - Pickpocket
Have you ever messed up so bad you have trouble falling asleep?
I don't know what I was thinking; I probably wasn't thinking at all.
Mistakes, I've made a few. Actually, I've made a lot.
If I had a dime for every little lie, I probably wouldn't be here...
I'm on the coast soaking up the sun.
And why you come back I guess I'll never know
I'll pull you close by and I'll let you go
To err is human, to forgive divine
My little tricks won't cut it this time
Pulled out my heart, wrote it down in a letter,
And I work all day because it makes me feel better...
Punching holes in the wall because it makes me feel better...
Throw my keys at my car because it makes me feel better...
8:08:37 PM | Lisa Bloomingdale
9.4.2002
It's songs like Jack Johnson's "Bubble Toes" that make me want to take up hand drums. My poor desk. It's my makeshift drum.
10:01:30 PM | Lisa Bloomingdale
9.8.2002
Where is the weirdest place you've had acne?
2:20:37 PM | Lisa Bloomingdale
SHOUT OUT
my ear lobe
Posted By: anonymous 9/8/2002 10:54:00 PM
Gee thanks, Dad. It's quite obvious he no longer trusts me. First, he gives me a curfew. I've never had one before...blah. Tonight when I came home from a gruesome 8-hour day at work, he questioned me: "What time did you get off work?" He claimed he didn't see me when he stopped in. Duh! Tonight was my first time closing by myself, and I was probably back in the accounting room when he showed up. Blah blah blah....I'm tired. Better entry next time. Hopefully.
10:52:53 PM | Lisa Bloomingdale
9.9.2002
Gah! I won't be asking Ms. T for a teacher recommendation. This is my second year under her rule. Over time I've noticed that she's got it out for me; she attacks me whenever she gets the chance. She got me twice today...
Instance numero uno: I'm in the library studying for my government test next hour, and I noticed that the section labeled "supply and demand" in my notes was left blank (meaning she skipped over it in class.) As she passes me I ask her if we needed to know it for the test since we didn't go over it.
"Yes, Lisa, you must be able to define it."
"Ok, thanks."
"Did you even bother to READ the text?"
"Yeah, I read some of it. I had to work almost 20 hours this weekend, so it was hard to find the time."
"Pff. Weak answer. Some of us need to work on better excuses."
*scoff* Thanks for the help. Notice how she deliberately dragged out the conversation as to make me look like an idiot? What a jerk.
Instance #2: I'm sitting in Government class... We're saying prayer as we usually do before we start each class (catholic school thing). As the prayer nears to an end, I silently yawn. The girl a couple desks away happened to be yawning as well, but hers was loud and obnoxious. Of course Ms. T sees ME yawning and yells at me for having bad manners during prayer. "Making noises like that during prayer is disruptive and disrespectful." "It wasn't me, I swear!" After extensive pleading and her continuous accusations Jaymi stuck up for me. "That sounds like a pretty honest 'I didn't do it,' Ms. T." Thanks Jaymi. Of course, she still doesn't believe me, gives me a HUGE crusty (the only face of hers I've come to know) and goes about her business.
Stupid story, but she makes me so flustered sometimes. Trust me, if you'd been in my history class last year, you'd see what I mean.
Unfortunate coincidence: She's helping out as the new assistant guidance counselor. So much for my chances to get into a decent college. :(
3:49:26 PM | Lisa Bloomingdale
SHOUT OUT
the reason im in my most hated school is because the college couselors are awful. they didnt send in my transcripts to several of my colleges. so there you go, you were gonna lose no matter what.
Posted By: katie j 9/10/2002 8:46:00 PM
9.10.2002
Do you ever contemplate your purpose on Earth? I'm beginning to think I have none. I slept for two hours last night, went to school for 8 hours today, and worked another 8 hours this evening. Just when I'm ready to fall into bed to catch minimal sleep before school the next day, I am reminded that I still have homework to do. It's just not fair. My lack of food and sleep caused an addiction to caffeine pills and the need to cry. In addition to the pressures of school and work, I am forever being bugged about college. Pick a college! Pick a career! So I can do what? The same dull routine over and over for the rest of my goddamn life, and for what? What will I have to show? I'll have precious memories of my friends and loved ones when I'm old and withered. I'll remember all the good times we had, right? When? When will those memories do me any good? I'll be dead. I feel like a worthless worm right now. I hate living in a routine where I can't even enjoy a simple half an hour to myself anymore. See post 8.10.2002. What's the point of using up a life when I can't even enjoy it? I know what will make me happy and I know what I want to do with my life. Unfortunately I'm too young and far too restricted to ever achieve my goal. So for now life has no importance, no meaning. Fuck you, wisdom.
12:48:46 AM | Lisa Bloomingdale
SHOUT OUT
hey lisa- pick a college. not to be naggy or whatever but college is the greatest thing ever. it really doesn't matter all that much where you go. im attending the school ive hated for my entire life but i couldnt be happier. you have about 500 hours in a day to do whatever you want, a good selection of decent food, and friends all the frick around you. so at least you know you have something to look foward to.
Posted By: katie j 9/10/2002 8:43:00 PM
The Tarz has definitley gone crazy. She went off on our entire class today for the stupidest things. She actually threatened to throw some of us out of the classroom, but we weren't even doing anything! Tarz - "I'm gonna blow!" We couldn't help but laugh when she said that. It's kinda sad when people keep laughing at you as you're scolding them. I don't know what her problem was. She even yelled at Jessica for not carrying a purse. What a psycho!
3:19:31 PM | Lisa Bloomingdale
9.11.2002
We got a new scanner/fax/printer/copier. I took advantage and scanned some of my sketches. I've never taken an art class in my life, though it's one of my favorite hobbies. Hopefully I'll save up some money and get my NYC and prom pics developed and posted for all to see. There are mirrors all over the walls in the weight room at school. Why do I look good in my mirrors at home and horrific in the ones at school? Remind me to starve myself. I was rude last night. The call waiting beeped in while I was talking to Bryan, and I ditched him. I normally wouldn't do that. Apologies for being a jerk.
4:01:41 PM | Lisa Bloomingdale
It's the anniversary of the terrorist attacks against America. I have nothing profound to say. I think the media has it covered...and drawn out and rubbed in and dwelled upon. I'm getting rather sick from so-called "patriotism." I partcipated in a local prayer service 'n' stuff. I have empathy. I'm just the type that moves on. I would think this has been noticeable since May.
4:05:36 PM | Lisa Bloomingdale
9.12.2002
Pet peeves today include overly sensitive people and video-learning. You all know my stance on homosexuality: I'm totally okay with it. There's a girl in my class whose dad is gay, and she takes offense to EVERY single statement ever made about homosexuality, even if it's positive. I hate having to tip toe around her. This is 2002; GET OVER IT! Secondly, why do teachers feel the need to make us watch videos in class instead of lecturing us? I watched tv in 4 classes today. FOUR! That's half my day. It's warm out, we're tired from lack of sleep, the lights are off, the material is rather boring...what makes them think we are going to pay attention or even stay awake? I've never remembered any piece of information divulged to me through the boob tube in class. Blah, thank goodness the week's almost over.
3:24:28 PM | Lisa Bloomingdale
9.15.2002
Fucking shit...can I trust nobody around here? Damn all secrets and their evil accessories. When you're around me, you keep your dick in your pants and your hands to yourself. I'm sick of tiptoeing around you and your ultrasensitive ego. From now on our friendship is strictly platonic. I don't deserve to be used and abused. I may not be the best catch in the world, but I'm higher up than whore-dom. Go chase the girl you know you really want and quit throwing me around at your convenience. I liked our relationship when we were "just friends" and nothing more. Can't we just go back to that? Blah...at least I finally did what everyone has been yelling at me to do for the last 3 months. Sorry dude; hope to cope.
As for life on the western front, I'm happy as can be. Life grows more exciting with each day, and I look forward to the future. *giddy* This has been like, the best week ever. Yayness! :)
12:31:43 PM | Lisa Bloomingdale
9.16.2002
I think Bryan is psychic. I talked to Gina at school today about my problems with him. The second I get home he IMs me and asks me what I have been telling her. What a control freak! He's mad at me for ruining his reputation with her, because now he thinks he'll have no chance of dating her. Whatever. She doesn't like him anyway. Even if she did, my opinon shouldn't affect her decision about him. She already knows him better than anyone else in the world. Blah, I have to go to work. More post later...
3:47:08 PM | Lisa Bloomingdale
9.17.2002
Blah...allergies will be the death of me.
Work was great last night up until the last hour. I was excited because I had to close and I was ahead of the game; I got everything done early. Then comes along the stupid refunds....took me 20 minutes! Then the adding machine broke! Gah! God bless Vickie for coming in to help me.
I swear to God my alarm clock hates me. No matter to what time I set it, it only goes off once in a blue moon. Time to get a new one.
6:42:00 AM | Lisa Bloomingdale
That's Smarts
As I was walking out of the house this afternoon, the wind caught the door and smacked me in the head. I felt as if the whole side of my face had fallen off. Luckily there was no blacking out or concussion. Now I know how the coyote felt.
6:47:11 PM | Lisa Bloomingdale
This morning was not the greatest for me. I was having a great day until I hit Center Street. I wrote this in my notebook to relax:
Things That Suck a Fuck
1) People are fuckers that don't know how to pull up just six inches so you can at least attempt to parallel park your miniscule piece-of-shit car.
2) The girl who takes the last available parking space that isn't more than 200 feet from school owes you a dollar but doesn't bring anything smaller than a five. You're not a bank; you don't have change.
3) Concurrently, you forgot your breakfast at home, along with any pocket change you'd hoped might salvage your morning energy boost with some sort of crap from the near-empty vending machine. (Luckily you beg for 50 cents for coffee and a cookie from your lunch.)
Things didn't perk up until 3rd hour when the caffeine pill finally kicked in. It's one of my three favorite drugs, after all.
6:54:02 PM | Lisa Bloomingdale
9.19.2002
I had two AP (college course) tests today. I think I did well, but it usually comes back to slap me in the face, much like my front door. I learned an interesting bit of news today. If you reside in California for a year without going to school, you can go to the state universities (i.e. UCLA) for free, or at least in-state tuition. I think I'll have to look into that. I added some new pictures. I haven't attended any social events yet this week, so there's not much to say today. At least it's not a rant, right?
6:00:24 PM | Lisa Bloomingdale
Holy Jeebus! Can I do nothing without getting attacked? Yes, I'm reverting back to the incident with Bryan. We all know he's upset with me. I would expect him to tell his friends how he's feeling (though it seems to be illegal for me to share with MY friends). So I'm sitting there diligently typing away at my outline when Bryan's best friend Kyle decides to IM me and start accusing me of being a fucked up person. Thanks dude, but no solicitors allowed. Everyone is walking around with these ignorant, biased opinions of me and "my actions." Sure, I don't care; but don't go out of your way to interrupt my life so you can criticize me. That's what elders are for.
Here's the story, though I know posting it will only get me more crap from Bryan and his friends (I really don't care anymore):
Bryan and I were "friends with benefits" off and on for a little while. As any normal person would, when my friends asked "What's up, Lisa? What'd you do this weekend?" I'd tell the truth. Pardon me for not being ashamed of liking someone. Bryan didn't feel the same way. He thought that every time we did anything it had to be kept a secret. Of course he always told his closest friends. At this point I didn't have a problem with anything except his being a hypocrite. So Bryan gets angry at me for telling my friends what we did. I think it's mostly because my friends are also his friends, and he didn't want them to know what goes on in his private life. I apologized for it. When I told, I didn't even think about it; I was just talking to my friends like I would about any other boy. Following so far? Okay...
So he got angry at me, and we stopped talking for awhile. Eventually we started hanging out again, and inevitably we moved back to the "friends with benefits" status. Oops, I slipped; and I told my friends again. I wasn't extremely upset about it though, since Bryan was already being hypocritical by telling his best friends. He seems to think that I tell people out of anger towards him. No...not at all. Believe it or not, Bryan, I had feelings for you. Nice ones at that. Think of it like this: a girl gets asked out (or in this case kissed) by the guy she likes. She can't help but be a little excited and tell her friends. That's what happened here. I would never do it just out of spite. There wasn't any spite there to begin with!
Moving on... Ever since Bryan dumped me back in May (perfect timing right between my mother's death and the most stressful finals of my life), my other friends, those that were not concurrently his friends as well, have had a strong dislike towards him. Every time I ever mentioned his name around them, they'd hiss and tell me what a jerk they thought he was (mostly for having broken up with me). Later on, they'd tell me that Bryan was just using me for always giving him what he wanted, but then treating me like a jerk in return. "Damn it, Lisa! You deserve better than him. Quit letting him use you." For months I ignored them, mostly because I liked Bryan so much; and for the most part he was a kind, fun-to-be-with best friend. "You guys are wrong. We get along great together." You see Bryan? I stuck up for you. I think it was incidences like Trish that really made them angry. But that's a whole other story.
Anyway... Last week I finally realized they were right. I was being used and treated like a jerk. I always gave him what he wanted, and got nothing in return. It had turned into a one-sided relationship. I didn't see why everything had to be kept a secret to him. I had no problem letting people know that I liked him. However, those feelings slowly melted away. So what did I do? I told him that I wanted to be nothing more than platonic friends. I think we mesh best that way...no complications.
Now this year Gina and I have become closer friends. We always hang out together at school and sometimes on the weekends. We talk to each other about basically everything. One day she had asked me what's wrong, and I told her how I finally realized I was being used, etc. BIG MISTAKE. This was the girl Bryan had been obsessed with even back while he was dating me (aka. the reason I got kicked to the curb). He treats her like a goddess, while leading every other girl on. But you know what? Gina already knew about his reputation for leading girls on, and she really didn't seem to care that he and I had been more than friends. Every time I talked to her she told me she didn't like Bryan any more than a friend. So my telling her wouldn't really ruin any chances of him dating her, right? Well he didn't seem to think so. I got chewed out, once again.
This time was different though. I DIDN'T CARE. I finally realized that I do deserve better than Bryan. There is more to life than all this petty arguing, and I felt ready to rise above it. I apologized to Bryan for telling Gina. I tried to explain to him that I never intentionally harmed his feelings. Of course, being the closed-minded guy that he's always been, he didn't believe me. Whatever, I thought. I don't have to deal with it anymore. "You don't have to worry about me spilling anymore of your so-called secrets, because there will never again be any secrets to tell. I want to be just friends with you, nothing more." (See entry 9.15.2002) After more extensive arguments with Bryan, I tried to get my points across: "I never did anything cruel on purpose just to MAKE you angry. I don't want to be anything more than friends, because it is a self-destructive relationship. And I want to STOP arguing, get over it, and move on." Of course I want to get over it and move on. He'll never believe anything I say, so why should I even bother trying to dissuade him? Sounds decent and justified, right?
Blah... That's when all his friends started attacking me, too. Can't you guys get a life? I'm over the whole ordeal and would like to put it behind me. Why can't you just let me be? I can understand Bryan still having some unresolved issues, but the rest of you guys don't even know all the facts! You guys will never understand my feelings and thoughts on the matter since it didn't directly occur to you. However, maybe this post will help clear up some of my thoughts and feelings on the subject. I can only imagine that Bryan or someone on "his side" will respond with a closed-minded shout out stating that this entire thing is a LIE. Whatever. I know what I know, I feel what I feel, and that's all that matters. I did what it took for me to become a happier person. Anyone trying to get in the way of that will just be ignored.
Now if that isn't clarity, I don't know what is. Then again, that's all from my point of view. If you really wanted to get into it, Bryan and I could have some professional debate stating all the facts and opinions from each side. But like I said, I'm ready to move on. I'm not the type to dwell... so dudes, stop going out of your way to bother me!
9:07:46 PM | Lisa Bloomingdale
9.22.2002
Addiction realized. I remember a time when I was addicted to aspirin. I took anywhere from one to four per day, as if it was a vitamin. Withdrawal brought on headaches. This time it's caffeine. Lack of it makes me feel fatigued like none other. Occasionally, I pop a pill for a quick pick-me-up. I wonder if it does any good, or if it's just my mentality.
Saturday. 8 AM. I drive past a policeman who has pulled over two young men in their hydraulic-boosted car mid-bounce. 12 PM. A man and his approximately 2-year-old child go for a walk down my street. The man is 20 feet in front of his son and rarely looks back. I think to myself, "How easy would it be for me to kidnap this kid, and how long before his oblivious father realizes his precious offspring is missing?" Morbidity is amusing.
I rent Dogma. The allusions to Catholic vocabulary and references are extensive. I wonder how confused an unreligous person might be when watching this movie. Withdrawal kicks in, and I am too tired to finish it. The phone rings at approximately 2 AM. Conversation adds to loss of sleep and need for caffeine.
I rented Pi as well. This one is also a mind-boggling movie. But after a morning of church, lunch, and shopping, not to mention the absence of my morning coffee and lack of sleep from the previous night, I am again too sleepy to finish the movie.
I was thinking extensively today... if only I had had access to pen and paper. It would be a free-write like no other. Thought building upon thought; like the spiral of violence, but without the violence. I felt as if my brain might explode. Unfortuantely, these thoughts come and go quickly; and I can't remember them long enough to write them down. Tell me, what constitutes genius? I wish it were a lucrative profession...to be a genius without really applying it to a certain field.
Possible future: Lisa Bloomingdale, Professional Thinker.
5:21:36 PM | Lisa Bloomingdale
Damn... He IS a stalker.
11:26:10 PM | Lisa Bloomingdale
9.24.2002
To Isabella
From the moment we met sixty-three days ago in the Musee, I've barely gone an hour without thinking about you. And if I were not distracted by this Sabine thing, I would be moping around, spending my time writing you letters like this.
I don't think I'm scared of intimacy, but I am frightened of making a mistake. Offering more than I have, or expecting more than you can give.
I want you all the time; I get so hungry for your body my breath keeps catching and my insides can't think where in my anatomy they're meant to be situated. My hands have a life of their own. Yesterday, when I was taking a break from the dig, I caught myself pressing my thumbs against your hipbones, tracing the curve of your belly, and running my fingers down to your thighs.
I've tried to escape from the realm of your skin, by concentrating on your voice, but that only leads to your mouth and then I'm back where I started.
I pretend not to be infatuated, even though my sanity is threatened and my surroundings lose their meaning and significance. Often I'm disoriented and yesterday I dropped and dented a valuable amulet. Loveing you is not easy. Yet I would not exchange these feelings for the secrets of eternity. I'm very much in love with you.
I want to be with you - right now. I want it above anything else.
We've talked about the distance between us and I agree that we can do nothing for a while to change the situation, but that doesn't stop me from continually trying to construct tenuous reasons for coming to see you again. Your independent pursuit of your degree, your fervent tenacity, and your self-consciousness about money, all make it hard for you to accept anything material from me. I understand this. And I love you all the more for your stubborness and determination. One way or the other, we will be together by the end of next summer, and I will dress you in dusty silk and take you down to the catacombs of copper and myrrh where I will kiss your milk-white breasts...
~ Matthew, "The Gryphon"
6:12:44 AM | Lisa Bloomingdale
Gross
I was bored at dinner and started messing with the bag of bread. Instead of "buttermilk," I made it to say "butt milk." Fuckin nasty.
8:03:30 PM | Lisa Bloomingdale
9.26.2002
Score! Almost half of the senior class failed their government test, prompting a mandatory retake for later this week. I, however, got a 93! Yayness! I'm bragging only because I did so poorly last year when I had this same teacher, and all the while everyone else was getting decent grades. I know the teacher hates me with a passion, but I really don't care anymore. This is subject matter I'm actually interested in learning, and I'll prove to her I'm not stupid.
The cell phone company is fucking stupid. They charged my phone under the wrong plan, thus costing me almost $200 more than it should have. I'm going to go down there today and raise hell. Actually, my dad's going to raise hell, and I'm supposed to stand sheepishly in the corner like the offended daughter I am.
Blah, I'm so tired!! At least tomorrow is Friday.
6:31:02 AM | Lisa Bloomingdale
My brother goes to an all-male school. Today they're dressing up for "Village People Day." Need I say more?
6:31:45 AM | Lisa Bloomingdale
Today my teacher said I sounded like Beavis.
7:04:57 PM | Lisa Bloomingdale
SHOUT OUT
"Uh...is that a job?"- Beavis! Love ya lisa!
Lola
Posted By: Lola 9/30/2002 3:18:00 PM
i am commenting on beavis, I dont like him, i like butthead
Posted By: Kristin 10/3/2002 10:08:00 PM
Why does everyone always have to be in such a hurry? My poor little car has a gradually dying transmission. Therefore, it's tough to keep up with the bigger, faster cars...especially on the interstate. I wish life wasn't full of such busy schedules with nanosecond passing periods. I'm enjoying my growing ability to relax and enjoy. You read that phrase everywhere: "Relax and Enjoy!" It's at the end of recipes, on food containers, sale signs for big comfy chairs, billboards, etc. They WANT you to do it, so do it! It's one brainwashing I'm not opposed to.
Mix one you, a blankie, and a good book into a large, comfy chair. Add some warm chai. Let sit for 45 minutes. Relax and enjoy.
7:11:58 PM | Lisa Bloomingdale
CHEERLEADERS
There are twelve of them: Jennie, Jen, Jenna, Ashley, Aubrey, Amber, Colleen, Kaitlin, Marcie, Donner, Blitzen, and Raven. Raven is the capatain. Blondest of the blondes.
My parents didn't raise me to be religious. The closest we come to worship is the Trinity of Visa, MasterCard, and American Express. I think the Merryweather cheerleaders confuse me because I missed out on Sunday School. It has to be a miracle. There is no other explanation. How else could they sleep with the football team on Saturday night and be reincarnated as virginal goddesses on Monday? It's as if they operate in two realities simultaneously. In one universe, they are gorgeous, straight-teethed, long-legged, wrapped in designer fashions, and given sports cars on their sixteenth birthdays. Teachers smile at them and grade them on the curve. They know the first names of the staff. They are the Pride of the Trojans. Oops - I mean Pride of the Blue Devils.
In Universe #2, they throw parties wild enough to attract college students. They worship the stink of Eau de Jocque. They rent beach houses in Cancun during Spring Break and get group-rate abortions before the prom.
But they are so cute. And they cheer on our boys, inciting them to violence and, we hope, victory. These are our role models - the Girls Who Have It All. I bet none of them ever stutter or screw up or feel like their brains are dissolving into marshmallow fluff. They all have beautiful lips, carefully outlined in red and polished to shine.
~ "Speak" Laurie Halse Anderson
9:22:35 PM | Lisa Bloomingdale
9.27.2002
I totally need some shoutouts.
Status Report:
Love ~ excellent
Social ~ good
School ~ improving
Family ~ improving
Personal ~ vascillating
Spiritual ~ decent
My skin turned purple. I drew a happy face on my hand with silver nitrate (AgNo3). It'll come off eventually.
I went on a trust walk the other day. I was blindfolded, and my partner had to lead me around without speaking. I almost grabbed Jacy's boob while reaching out, but Anne basically dove in front of her and blocked me. "Nooooo!!!!!" Think action flick, slow-mo. We eventually switched roles. It was a pretty awesome experience.
Believe it or not, I love all my classes. I could live without AP Calc and AP Chem, but hey, I'm learning.
I rediscovered my passion for reading. I'm expanding my horizons in art. I wish I could take a class, but I have no room in my schedule. I don't really like the teacher anyway. I'm in Art Club, and I see how she runs things. I don't think we'd get along.
Eek! My brother brought home a friend from school today. This kid has more energy than a radioactive subatomic particle (do those even exist? and if so, do they contain lots of energy?) He could be cute if he wasn't 2 years younger and uber-loud.
I may go on a hayrack ride thingy tonight. Friends may show up. No matter. I inherited a gene from my mother that gives me the ability to make new friends in any situation. I used to say she could start a conversation with a rock.
3:46:42 PM | Lisa Bloomingdale
SHOUT OUT
yo yo yo yo yo yo yo yo yo yo yo yo yo yo yo YO!
Posted By: Daddy Yamsack 9/27/2002 5:36:00 PM
luv ya <3
Posted By: 9/27/2002 7:45:00 PM
Stubborn writers make me rethink editing. Perhaps I'll just remain at "journalist" status. Journalist, mind you; not reporter. I want to be able to incorporate my own opinions into my writing and be blunt and annoying and correct. I'm right, you're wrong, end of story. :)
My nightmares recur in cycles. I had an awful one last night that I hadn't had for years. The characters were different, but the plot was the same. My friend Gina jumped out of a window atop a very tall building and met her demise on the cement below. Everyone blamed me, and it seemed like the whole world was chasing me for revenge. Bryan threw pieces of her bloody guts at me. I couldn't get away from them all. Seth was the only one who didn't want to kill me. I woke up in a most distressed state. I don't believe dreams have specific meanings; but if I did, I can definitely point out exactly what each symbol means.
6:36:42 PM | Lisa Bloomingdale
9.28.2002
Quasi-Assertive
"I'm cutting off all communication with you from now on." That's what I was told in so many words. So quit IMing me! I don't want it. You like her. She likes you, though she won't admit it. You basically live together, what with all the time you spend with each other. You won't date. You just sit there and worship each other. Sickening. I'm fine with it. I want to be her friend, not yours. I tried reparing a friendship. You acted like a jerk. So leave me alone already! You're the most hypocritic person I know, and I hate it. If I happen to see you at some social event, fine. But don't try to act like everything is okay. It's not. I tried and tried to make things better. YOU chose to end our friendship. So stick to it. Don't talk to me, don't look at me, don't think about me. You really make me sick sometimes.
9:58:38 AM | Lisa Bloomingdale
PATHETIC
I came home from work to find my room completely clean. Dad knows how much I HATE this. He cleaned up for me while I was at work. Now I can't find a damn thing and I even had to rummage through the trash to retrieve things that should never have been thrown away in the first place. Gross and pathetic. I feel stupid crying over it, but my privacy has been invaded. All my personal stuff is either gone or moved to some other place where I'll not find it. I'm grateful that he was kind enough to help me out, but still, I want my belongings back! He even mentioned to me earlier today how he knows that I hate when he does it. I feel so violated. You would understand if your whole life was picked apart by a stranger. I feel so stupid....
8:28:59 PM | Lisa Bloomingdale
SHOUT OUT
WOW....your Dad is a stranger?
Posted By: 9/30/2002 4:07:00 PM
Lisa is the coolest!
Posted By: 9/30/2002 9:05:00 PM
No, he's not a stranger. He's a stranger to my stuff. I keep it in my room for a reason. If I had wanted him to go through it, I would've put it on display in the kitchen. However, I am very grateful. He saved me a lot of work. It was a nice gesture, just bad timing.
And who thinks I'm the coolest? I can't help but detect a hint of sarcasm. (low self-esteem at play)
Posted By: Lisa 10/1/2002 4:58:00 PM
Well it's official. I'm "emo."
9:12:50 PM | Lisa Bloomingdale
This Just In
Missing: my driver's license and debit card
My diligent search was to no avail; so if anybody happens to come across them, please let me know ASAP. Oh yeah...there's a reward :) Thanks a bunch!
10:56:30 PM | Lisa Bloomingdale
9.2.2002
It happened again!* I've got to get off this side-sleeping kick. This time instead of my left arm, it was my entire right leg, from cheek to toes! Ack! Imagine how I looked when I tried to stand up and walk. *Boom* as she hits the floor. Grr, maybe I have a defective circulatory system.
*See entry 8.31.2002, second paragraph.
5:27:21 PM | Lisa Bloomingdale
9.3.2002
So bad. Sooo baaad. I got my new driver's license today, and the picture is just awful. I look like I'm about to cry and smiling at the same time. I can't believe I have to keep this until 2006! Blah. And get this... My dad made me drive around without my license on purpose (chaffeuring my brother, picking up dinner, etc.) So much for obeying the law.
It was hotter than hell out, so of course I look all sweaty and awful. When I arrived at the DMV, all I had for a valid ID was my old learner's permit. I was told that in order to receive my operator's license, I first had to get a duplicate of my POP. So I paid both fees, filled out both forms, and got my picture taken both times. When I come home, my dad is angry that I had to buy a new POP just to get my operator's license. "Why the hell did you have to buy it if they're just going to turn around and throw it away when they issue you the other license?" He yells, chews me out, calls me a dumbass. This is what I get for doing as my government tells me. Then he takes a look at my horrible picture and makes fun of me. As if I need this. "You'll never get through life without a sense of humor," he said when he'd finished laughing at me. I have a bigger sense of humor than you'll ever know. Jerk. If I were the parent, instead of yelling at my kid for something they had no control over, I'd commend them for taking care of it themselves like an adult. "You even paid for it with your own money?" "Sure, Dad. I try not to suck you dry."
4:14:36 PM | Lisa Bloomingdale
I'll never be a psychiatrist. I can't keep one goddamn secret. Do you ever do something really stupid, even though you don't quite realize it's stupid at the time; and the consequences are something you just don't want to deal with? Remind me to quit fucking up if I ever want to salvage my friendship with Bryan. *punches a wall* Remember what I said? Disappointment is what makes me truly hate myself.
7:47:15 PM | Lisa Bloomingdale
Better - Pickpocket
Have you ever messed up so bad you have trouble falling asleep?
I don't know what I was thinking; I probably wasn't thinking at all.
Mistakes, I've made a few. Actually, I've made a lot.
If I had a dime for every little lie, I probably wouldn't be here...
I'm on the coast soaking up the sun.
And why you come back I guess I'll never know
I'll pull you close by and I'll let you go
To err is human, to forgive divine
My little tricks won't cut it this time
Pulled out my heart, wrote it down in a letter,
And I work all day because it makes me feel better...
Punching holes in the wall because it makes me feel better...
Throw my keys at my car because it makes me feel better...
8:08:37 PM | Lisa Bloomingdale
9.4.2002
It's songs like Jack Johnson's "Bubble Toes" that make me want to take up hand drums. My poor desk. It's my makeshift drum.
10:01:30 PM | Lisa Bloomingdale
9.8.2002
Where is the weirdest place you've had acne?
2:20:37 PM | Lisa Bloomingdale
SHOUT OUT
my ear lobe
Posted By: anonymous 9/8/2002 10:54:00 PM
Gee thanks, Dad. It's quite obvious he no longer trusts me. First, he gives me a curfew. I've never had one before...blah. Tonight when I came home from a gruesome 8-hour day at work, he questioned me: "What time did you get off work?" He claimed he didn't see me when he stopped in. Duh! Tonight was my first time closing by myself, and I was probably back in the accounting room when he showed up. Blah blah blah....I'm tired. Better entry next time. Hopefully.
10:52:53 PM | Lisa Bloomingdale
9.9.2002
Gah! I won't be asking Ms. T for a teacher recommendation. This is my second year under her rule. Over time I've noticed that she's got it out for me; she attacks me whenever she gets the chance. She got me twice today...
Instance numero uno: I'm in the library studying for my government test next hour, and I noticed that the section labeled "supply and demand" in my notes was left blank (meaning she skipped over it in class.) As she passes me I ask her if we needed to know it for the test since we didn't go over it.
"Yes, Lisa, you must be able to define it."
"Ok, thanks."
"Did you even bother to READ the text?"
"Yeah, I read some of it. I had to work almost 20 hours this weekend, so it was hard to find the time."
"Pff. Weak answer. Some of us need to work on better excuses."
*scoff* Thanks for the help. Notice how she deliberately dragged out the conversation as to make me look like an idiot? What a jerk.
Instance #2: I'm sitting in Government class... We're saying prayer as we usually do before we start each class (catholic school thing). As the prayer nears to an end, I silently yawn. The girl a couple desks away happened to be yawning as well, but hers was loud and obnoxious. Of course Ms. T sees ME yawning and yells at me for having bad manners during prayer. "Making noises like that during prayer is disruptive and disrespectful." "It wasn't me, I swear!" After extensive pleading and her continuous accusations Jaymi stuck up for me. "That sounds like a pretty honest 'I didn't do it,' Ms. T." Thanks Jaymi. Of course, she still doesn't believe me, gives me a HUGE crusty (the only face of hers I've come to know) and goes about her business.
Stupid story, but she makes me so flustered sometimes. Trust me, if you'd been in my history class last year, you'd see what I mean.
Unfortunate coincidence: She's helping out as the new assistant guidance counselor. So much for my chances to get into a decent college. :(
3:49:26 PM | Lisa Bloomingdale
SHOUT OUT
the reason im in my most hated school is because the college couselors are awful. they didnt send in my transcripts to several of my colleges. so there you go, you were gonna lose no matter what.
Posted By: katie j 9/10/2002 8:46:00 PM
9.10.2002
Do you ever contemplate your purpose on Earth? I'm beginning to think I have none. I slept for two hours last night, went to school for 8 hours today, and worked another 8 hours this evening. Just when I'm ready to fall into bed to catch minimal sleep before school the next day, I am reminded that I still have homework to do. It's just not fair. My lack of food and sleep caused an addiction to caffeine pills and the need to cry. In addition to the pressures of school and work, I am forever being bugged about college. Pick a college! Pick a career! So I can do what? The same dull routine over and over for the rest of my goddamn life, and for what? What will I have to show? I'll have precious memories of my friends and loved ones when I'm old and withered. I'll remember all the good times we had, right? When? When will those memories do me any good? I'll be dead. I feel like a worthless worm right now. I hate living in a routine where I can't even enjoy a simple half an hour to myself anymore. See post 8.10.2002. What's the point of using up a life when I can't even enjoy it? I know what will make me happy and I know what I want to do with my life. Unfortunately I'm too young and far too restricted to ever achieve my goal. So for now life has no importance, no meaning. Fuck you, wisdom.
12:48:46 AM | Lisa Bloomingdale
SHOUT OUT
hey lisa- pick a college. not to be naggy or whatever but college is the greatest thing ever. it really doesn't matter all that much where you go. im attending the school ive hated for my entire life but i couldnt be happier. you have about 500 hours in a day to do whatever you want, a good selection of decent food, and friends all the frick around you. so at least you know you have something to look foward to.
Posted By: katie j 9/10/2002 8:43:00 PM
The Tarz has definitley gone crazy. She went off on our entire class today for the stupidest things. She actually threatened to throw some of us out of the classroom, but we weren't even doing anything! Tarz - "I'm gonna blow!" We couldn't help but laugh when she said that. It's kinda sad when people keep laughing at you as you're scolding them. I don't know what her problem was. She even yelled at Jessica for not carrying a purse. What a psycho!
3:19:31 PM | Lisa Bloomingdale
9.11.2002
We got a new scanner/fax/printer/copier. I took advantage and scanned some of my sketches. I've never taken an art class in my life, though it's one of my favorite hobbies. Hopefully I'll save up some money and get my NYC and prom pics developed and posted for all to see. There are mirrors all over the walls in the weight room at school. Why do I look good in my mirrors at home and horrific in the ones at school? Remind me to starve myself. I was rude last night. The call waiting beeped in while I was talking to Bryan, and I ditched him. I normally wouldn't do that. Apologies for being a jerk.
4:01:41 PM | Lisa Bloomingdale
It's the anniversary of the terrorist attacks against America. I have nothing profound to say. I think the media has it covered...and drawn out and rubbed in and dwelled upon. I'm getting rather sick from so-called "patriotism." I partcipated in a local prayer service 'n' stuff. I have empathy. I'm just the type that moves on. I would think this has been noticeable since May.
4:05:36 PM | Lisa Bloomingdale
9.12.2002
Pet peeves today include overly sensitive people and video-learning. You all know my stance on homosexuality: I'm totally okay with it. There's a girl in my class whose dad is gay, and she takes offense to EVERY single statement ever made about homosexuality, even if it's positive. I hate having to tip toe around her. This is 2002; GET OVER IT! Secondly, why do teachers feel the need to make us watch videos in class instead of lecturing us? I watched tv in 4 classes today. FOUR! That's half my day. It's warm out, we're tired from lack of sleep, the lights are off, the material is rather boring...what makes them think we are going to pay attention or even stay awake? I've never remembered any piece of information divulged to me through the boob tube in class. Blah, thank goodness the week's almost over.
3:24:28 PM | Lisa Bloomingdale
9.15.2002
Fucking shit...can I trust nobody around here? Damn all secrets and their evil accessories. When you're around me, you keep your dick in your pants and your hands to yourself. I'm sick of tiptoeing around you and your ultrasensitive ego. From now on our friendship is strictly platonic. I don't deserve to be used and abused. I may not be the best catch in the world, but I'm higher up than whore-dom. Go chase the girl you know you really want and quit throwing me around at your convenience. I liked our relationship when we were "just friends" and nothing more. Can't we just go back to that? Blah...at least I finally did what everyone has been yelling at me to do for the last 3 months. Sorry dude; hope to cope.
As for life on the western front, I'm happy as can be. Life grows more exciting with each day, and I look forward to the future. *giddy* This has been like, the best week ever. Yayness! :)
12:31:43 PM | Lisa Bloomingdale
9.16.2002
I think Bryan is psychic. I talked to Gina at school today about my problems with him. The second I get home he IMs me and asks me what I have been telling her. What a control freak! He's mad at me for ruining his reputation with her, because now he thinks he'll have no chance of dating her. Whatever. She doesn't like him anyway. Even if she did, my opinon shouldn't affect her decision about him. She already knows him better than anyone else in the world. Blah, I have to go to work. More post later...
3:47:08 PM | Lisa Bloomingdale
9.17.2002
Blah...allergies will be the death of me.
Work was great last night up until the last hour. I was excited because I had to close and I was ahead of the game; I got everything done early. Then comes along the stupid refunds....took me 20 minutes! Then the adding machine broke! Gah! God bless Vickie for coming in to help me.
I swear to God my alarm clock hates me. No matter to what time I set it, it only goes off once in a blue moon. Time to get a new one.
6:42:00 AM | Lisa Bloomingdale
That's Smarts
As I was walking out of the house this afternoon, the wind caught the door and smacked me in the head. I felt as if the whole side of my face had fallen off. Luckily there was no blacking out or concussion. Now I know how the coyote felt.
6:47:11 PM | Lisa Bloomingdale
This morning was not the greatest for me. I was having a great day until I hit Center Street. I wrote this in my notebook to relax:
Things That Suck a Fuck
1) People are fuckers that don't know how to pull up just six inches so you can at least attempt to parallel park your miniscule piece-of-shit car.
2) The girl who takes the last available parking space that isn't more than 200 feet from school owes you a dollar but doesn't bring anything smaller than a five. You're not a bank; you don't have change.
3) Concurrently, you forgot your breakfast at home, along with any pocket change you'd hoped might salvage your morning energy boost with some sort of crap from the near-empty vending machine. (Luckily you beg for 50 cents for coffee and a cookie from your lunch.)
Things didn't perk up until 3rd hour when the caffeine pill finally kicked in. It's one of my three favorite drugs, after all.
6:54:02 PM | Lisa Bloomingdale
9.19.2002
I had two AP (college course) tests today. I think I did well, but it usually comes back to slap me in the face, much like my front door. I learned an interesting bit of news today. If you reside in California for a year without going to school, you can go to the state universities (i.e. UCLA) for free, or at least in-state tuition. I think I'll have to look into that. I added some new pictures. I haven't attended any social events yet this week, so there's not much to say today. At least it's not a rant, right?
6:00:24 PM | Lisa Bloomingdale
Holy Jeebus! Can I do nothing without getting attacked? Yes, I'm reverting back to the incident with Bryan. We all know he's upset with me. I would expect him to tell his friends how he's feeling (though it seems to be illegal for me to share with MY friends). So I'm sitting there diligently typing away at my outline when Bryan's best friend Kyle decides to IM me and start accusing me of being a fucked up person. Thanks dude, but no solicitors allowed. Everyone is walking around with these ignorant, biased opinions of me and "my actions." Sure, I don't care; but don't go out of your way to interrupt my life so you can criticize me. That's what elders are for.
Here's the story, though I know posting it will only get me more crap from Bryan and his friends (I really don't care anymore):
Bryan and I were "friends with benefits" off and on for a little while. As any normal person would, when my friends asked "What's up, Lisa? What'd you do this weekend?" I'd tell the truth. Pardon me for not being ashamed of liking someone. Bryan didn't feel the same way. He thought that every time we did anything it had to be kept a secret. Of course he always told his closest friends. At this point I didn't have a problem with anything except his being a hypocrite. So Bryan gets angry at me for telling my friends what we did. I think it's mostly because my friends are also his friends, and he didn't want them to know what goes on in his private life. I apologized for it. When I told, I didn't even think about it; I was just talking to my friends like I would about any other boy. Following so far? Okay...
So he got angry at me, and we stopped talking for awhile. Eventually we started hanging out again, and inevitably we moved back to the "friends with benefits" status. Oops, I slipped; and I told my friends again. I wasn't extremely upset about it though, since Bryan was already being hypocritical by telling his best friends. He seems to think that I tell people out of anger towards him. No...not at all. Believe it or not, Bryan, I had feelings for you. Nice ones at that. Think of it like this: a girl gets asked out (or in this case kissed) by the guy she likes. She can't help but be a little excited and tell her friends. That's what happened here. I would never do it just out of spite. There wasn't any spite there to begin with!
Moving on... Ever since Bryan dumped me back in May (perfect timing right between my mother's death and the most stressful finals of my life), my other friends, those that were not concurrently his friends as well, have had a strong dislike towards him. Every time I ever mentioned his name around them, they'd hiss and tell me what a jerk they thought he was (mostly for having broken up with me). Later on, they'd tell me that Bryan was just using me for always giving him what he wanted, but then treating me like a jerk in return. "Damn it, Lisa! You deserve better than him. Quit letting him use you." For months I ignored them, mostly because I liked Bryan so much; and for the most part he was a kind, fun-to-be-with best friend. "You guys are wrong. We get along great together." You see Bryan? I stuck up for you. I think it was incidences like Trish that really made them angry. But that's a whole other story.
Anyway... Last week I finally realized they were right. I was being used and treated like a jerk. I always gave him what he wanted, and got nothing in return. It had turned into a one-sided relationship. I didn't see why everything had to be kept a secret to him. I had no problem letting people know that I liked him. However, those feelings slowly melted away. So what did I do? I told him that I wanted to be nothing more than platonic friends. I think we mesh best that way...no complications.
Now this year Gina and I have become closer friends. We always hang out together at school and sometimes on the weekends. We talk to each other about basically everything. One day she had asked me what's wrong, and I told her how I finally realized I was being used, etc. BIG MISTAKE. This was the girl Bryan had been obsessed with even back while he was dating me (aka. the reason I got kicked to the curb). He treats her like a goddess, while leading every other girl on. But you know what? Gina already knew about his reputation for leading girls on, and she really didn't seem to care that he and I had been more than friends. Every time I talked to her she told me she didn't like Bryan any more than a friend. So my telling her wouldn't really ruin any chances of him dating her, right? Well he didn't seem to think so. I got chewed out, once again.
This time was different though. I DIDN'T CARE. I finally realized that I do deserve better than Bryan. There is more to life than all this petty arguing, and I felt ready to rise above it. I apologized to Bryan for telling Gina. I tried to explain to him that I never intentionally harmed his feelings. Of course, being the closed-minded guy that he's always been, he didn't believe me. Whatever, I thought. I don't have to deal with it anymore. "You don't have to worry about me spilling anymore of your so-called secrets, because there will never again be any secrets to tell. I want to be just friends with you, nothing more." (See entry 9.15.2002) After more extensive arguments with Bryan, I tried to get my points across: "I never did anything cruel on purpose just to MAKE you angry. I don't want to be anything more than friends, because it is a self-destructive relationship. And I want to STOP arguing, get over it, and move on." Of course I want to get over it and move on. He'll never believe anything I say, so why should I even bother trying to dissuade him? Sounds decent and justified, right?
Blah... That's when all his friends started attacking me, too. Can't you guys get a life? I'm over the whole ordeal and would like to put it behind me. Why can't you just let me be? I can understand Bryan still having some unresolved issues, but the rest of you guys don't even know all the facts! You guys will never understand my feelings and thoughts on the matter since it didn't directly occur to you. However, maybe this post will help clear up some of my thoughts and feelings on the subject. I can only imagine that Bryan or someone on "his side" will respond with a closed-minded shout out stating that this entire thing is a LIE. Whatever. I know what I know, I feel what I feel, and that's all that matters. I did what it took for me to become a happier person. Anyone trying to get in the way of that will just be ignored.
Now if that isn't clarity, I don't know what is. Then again, that's all from my point of view. If you really wanted to get into it, Bryan and I could have some professional debate stating all the facts and opinions from each side. But like I said, I'm ready to move on. I'm not the type to dwell... so dudes, stop going out of your way to bother me!
9:07:46 PM | Lisa Bloomingdale
9.22.2002
Addiction realized. I remember a time when I was addicted to aspirin. I took anywhere from one to four per day, as if it was a vitamin. Withdrawal brought on headaches. This time it's caffeine. Lack of it makes me feel fatigued like none other. Occasionally, I pop a pill for a quick pick-me-up. I wonder if it does any good, or if it's just my mentality.
Saturday. 8 AM. I drive past a policeman who has pulled over two young men in their hydraulic-boosted car mid-bounce. 12 PM. A man and his approximately 2-year-old child go for a walk down my street. The man is 20 feet in front of his son and rarely looks back. I think to myself, "How easy would it be for me to kidnap this kid, and how long before his oblivious father realizes his precious offspring is missing?" Morbidity is amusing.
I rent Dogma. The allusions to Catholic vocabulary and references are extensive. I wonder how confused an unreligous person might be when watching this movie. Withdrawal kicks in, and I am too tired to finish it. The phone rings at approximately 2 AM. Conversation adds to loss of sleep and need for caffeine.
I rented Pi as well. This one is also a mind-boggling movie. But after a morning of church, lunch, and shopping, not to mention the absence of my morning coffee and lack of sleep from the previous night, I am again too sleepy to finish the movie.
I was thinking extensively today... if only I had had access to pen and paper. It would be a free-write like no other. Thought building upon thought; like the spiral of violence, but without the violence. I felt as if my brain might explode. Unfortuantely, these thoughts come and go quickly; and I can't remember them long enough to write them down. Tell me, what constitutes genius? I wish it were a lucrative profession...to be a genius without really applying it to a certain field.
Possible future: Lisa Bloomingdale, Professional Thinker.
5:21:36 PM | Lisa Bloomingdale
Damn... He IS a stalker.
11:26:10 PM | Lisa Bloomingdale
9.24.2002
To Isabella
From the moment we met sixty-three days ago in the Musee, I've barely gone an hour without thinking about you. And if I were not distracted by this Sabine thing, I would be moping around, spending my time writing you letters like this.
I don't think I'm scared of intimacy, but I am frightened of making a mistake. Offering more than I have, or expecting more than you can give.
I want you all the time; I get so hungry for your body my breath keeps catching and my insides can't think where in my anatomy they're meant to be situated. My hands have a life of their own. Yesterday, when I was taking a break from the dig, I caught myself pressing my thumbs against your hipbones, tracing the curve of your belly, and running my fingers down to your thighs.
I've tried to escape from the realm of your skin, by concentrating on your voice, but that only leads to your mouth and then I'm back where I started.
I pretend not to be infatuated, even though my sanity is threatened and my surroundings lose their meaning and significance. Often I'm disoriented and yesterday I dropped and dented a valuable amulet. Loveing you is not easy. Yet I would not exchange these feelings for the secrets of eternity. I'm very much in love with you.
I want to be with you - right now. I want it above anything else.
We've talked about the distance between us and I agree that we can do nothing for a while to change the situation, but that doesn't stop me from continually trying to construct tenuous reasons for coming to see you again. Your independent pursuit of your degree, your fervent tenacity, and your self-consciousness about money, all make it hard for you to accept anything material from me. I understand this. And I love you all the more for your stubborness and determination. One way or the other, we will be together by the end of next summer, and I will dress you in dusty silk and take you down to the catacombs of copper and myrrh where I will kiss your milk-white breasts...
~ Matthew, "The Gryphon"
6:12:44 AM | Lisa Bloomingdale
Gross
I was bored at dinner and started messing with the bag of bread. Instead of "buttermilk," I made it to say "butt milk." Fuckin nasty.
8:03:30 PM | Lisa Bloomingdale
9.26.2002
Score! Almost half of the senior class failed their government test, prompting a mandatory retake for later this week. I, however, got a 93! Yayness! I'm bragging only because I did so poorly last year when I had this same teacher, and all the while everyone else was getting decent grades. I know the teacher hates me with a passion, but I really don't care anymore. This is subject matter I'm actually interested in learning, and I'll prove to her I'm not stupid.
The cell phone company is fucking stupid. They charged my phone under the wrong plan, thus costing me almost $200 more than it should have. I'm going to go down there today and raise hell. Actually, my dad's going to raise hell, and I'm supposed to stand sheepishly in the corner like the offended daughter I am.
Blah, I'm so tired!! At least tomorrow is Friday.
6:31:02 AM | Lisa Bloomingdale
My brother goes to an all-male school. Today they're dressing up for "Village People Day." Need I say more?
6:31:45 AM | Lisa Bloomingdale
Today my teacher said I sounded like Beavis.
7:04:57 PM | Lisa Bloomingdale
SHOUT OUT
"Uh...is that a job?"- Beavis! Love ya lisa!
Lola
Posted By: Lola 9/30/2002 3:18:00 PM
i am commenting on beavis, I dont like him, i like butthead
Posted By: Kristin 10/3/2002 10:08:00 PM
Why does everyone always have to be in such a hurry? My poor little car has a gradually dying transmission. Therefore, it's tough to keep up with the bigger, faster cars...especially on the interstate. I wish life wasn't full of such busy schedules with nanosecond passing periods. I'm enjoying my growing ability to relax and enjoy. You read that phrase everywhere: "Relax and Enjoy!" It's at the end of recipes, on food containers, sale signs for big comfy chairs, billboards, etc. They WANT you to do it, so do it! It's one brainwashing I'm not opposed to.
Mix one you, a blankie, and a good book into a large, comfy chair. Add some warm chai. Let sit for 45 minutes. Relax and enjoy.
7:11:58 PM | Lisa Bloomingdale
CHEERLEADERS
There are twelve of them: Jennie, Jen, Jenna, Ashley, Aubrey, Amber, Colleen, Kaitlin, Marcie, Donner, Blitzen, and Raven. Raven is the capatain. Blondest of the blondes.
My parents didn't raise me to be religious. The closest we come to worship is the Trinity of Visa, MasterCard, and American Express. I think the Merryweather cheerleaders confuse me because I missed out on Sunday School. It has to be a miracle. There is no other explanation. How else could they sleep with the football team on Saturday night and be reincarnated as virginal goddesses on Monday? It's as if they operate in two realities simultaneously. In one universe, they are gorgeous, straight-teethed, long-legged, wrapped in designer fashions, and given sports cars on their sixteenth birthdays. Teachers smile at them and grade them on the curve. They know the first names of the staff. They are the Pride of the Trojans. Oops - I mean Pride of the Blue Devils.
In Universe #2, they throw parties wild enough to attract college students. They worship the stink of Eau de Jocque. They rent beach houses in Cancun during Spring Break and get group-rate abortions before the prom.
But they are so cute. And they cheer on our boys, inciting them to violence and, we hope, victory. These are our role models - the Girls Who Have It All. I bet none of them ever stutter or screw up or feel like their brains are dissolving into marshmallow fluff. They all have beautiful lips, carefully outlined in red and polished to shine.
~ "Speak" Laurie Halse Anderson
9:22:35 PM | Lisa Bloomingdale
9.27.2002
I totally need some shoutouts.
Status Report:
Love ~ excellent
Social ~ good
School ~ improving
Family ~ improving
Personal ~ vascillating
Spiritual ~ decent
My skin turned purple. I drew a happy face on my hand with silver nitrate (AgNo3). It'll come off eventually.
I went on a trust walk the other day. I was blindfolded, and my partner had to lead me around without speaking. I almost grabbed Jacy's boob while reaching out, but Anne basically dove in front of her and blocked me. "Nooooo!!!!!" Think action flick, slow-mo. We eventually switched roles. It was a pretty awesome experience.
Believe it or not, I love all my classes. I could live without AP Calc and AP Chem, but hey, I'm learning.
I rediscovered my passion for reading. I'm expanding my horizons in art. I wish I could take a class, but I have no room in my schedule. I don't really like the teacher anyway. I'm in Art Club, and I see how she runs things. I don't think we'd get along.
Eek! My brother brought home a friend from school today. This kid has more energy than a radioactive subatomic particle (do those even exist? and if so, do they contain lots of energy?) He could be cute if he wasn't 2 years younger and uber-loud.
I may go on a hayrack ride thingy tonight. Friends may show up. No matter. I inherited a gene from my mother that gives me the ability to make new friends in any situation. I used to say she could start a conversation with a rock.
3:46:42 PM | Lisa Bloomingdale
SHOUT OUT
yo yo yo yo yo yo yo yo yo yo yo yo yo yo yo YO!
Posted By: Daddy Yamsack 9/27/2002 5:36:00 PM
luv ya <3
Posted By: 9/27/2002 7:45:00 PM
Stubborn writers make me rethink editing. Perhaps I'll just remain at "journalist" status. Journalist, mind you; not reporter. I want to be able to incorporate my own opinions into my writing and be blunt and annoying and correct. I'm right, you're wrong, end of story. :)
My nightmares recur in cycles. I had an awful one last night that I hadn't had for years. The characters were different, but the plot was the same. My friend Gina jumped out of a window atop a very tall building and met her demise on the cement below. Everyone blamed me, and it seemed like the whole world was chasing me for revenge. Bryan threw pieces of her bloody guts at me. I couldn't get away from them all. Seth was the only one who didn't want to kill me. I woke up in a most distressed state. I don't believe dreams have specific meanings; but if I did, I can definitely point out exactly what each symbol means.
6:36:42 PM | Lisa Bloomingdale
9.28.2002
Quasi-Assertive
"I'm cutting off all communication with you from now on." That's what I was told in so many words. So quit IMing me! I don't want it. You like her. She likes you, though she won't admit it. You basically live together, what with all the time you spend with each other. You won't date. You just sit there and worship each other. Sickening. I'm fine with it. I want to be her friend, not yours. I tried reparing a friendship. You acted like a jerk. So leave me alone already! You're the most hypocritic person I know, and I hate it. If I happen to see you at some social event, fine. But don't try to act like everything is okay. It's not. I tried and tried to make things better. YOU chose to end our friendship. So stick to it. Don't talk to me, don't look at me, don't think about me. You really make me sick sometimes.
9:58:38 AM | Lisa Bloomingdale
PATHETIC
I came home from work to find my room completely clean. Dad knows how much I HATE this. He cleaned up for me while I was at work. Now I can't find a damn thing and I even had to rummage through the trash to retrieve things that should never have been thrown away in the first place. Gross and pathetic. I feel stupid crying over it, but my privacy has been invaded. All my personal stuff is either gone or moved to some other place where I'll not find it. I'm grateful that he was kind enough to help me out, but still, I want my belongings back! He even mentioned to me earlier today how he knows that I hate when he does it. I feel so violated. You would understand if your whole life was picked apart by a stranger. I feel so stupid....
8:28:59 PM | Lisa Bloomingdale
SHOUT OUT
WOW....your Dad is a stranger?
Posted By: 9/30/2002 4:07:00 PM
Lisa is the coolest!
Posted By: 9/30/2002 9:05:00 PM
No, he's not a stranger. He's a stranger to my stuff. I keep it in my room for a reason. If I had wanted him to go through it, I would've put it on display in the kitchen. However, I am very grateful. He saved me a lot of work. It was a nice gesture, just bad timing.
And who thinks I'm the coolest? I can't help but detect a hint of sarcasm. (low self-esteem at play)
Posted By: Lisa 10/1/2002 4:58:00 PM
posted by Lisa at
7:35 PM
